Sunday, November 18, 2012


Wheeew!  As some of you have seen already, I've undergone a total appearance makeover.  Why?  Well, our outer presentation tells us a lot about what we're going through on the inside.  As for me, before the haircut, I may have looked okay at first blush.  But if you looked closer you would have seen that most of the strands of my beloved afro were brittle and broken and I looked worn out and battle-weary all over the face.  Truthfully speaking, I managed to hide how effed up I really was.  There was a time period very recently where my life was nothing less than hellish.  My armor seemed to be slipping off day by day.  Thanks to God's saving grace, I was caught before I managed to tilt all the way off the cliff.  I'm going to be straight forward with you guys; during this time my health was horrible, physically and mentally.  I was in counseling trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered life and make some sense of them somehow.  For anyone that knows me personally, my hair is the embodiment of who I am at the core: bold, daring, creative. Don't get this mistaken for vanity, this is totally different.  My hair is an outward expression of who I am as a person and as an artist.  So of course I was rather when I realized that my hair was withering away.  The once full head of hair was now wispy and see-through in some areas.  I tried different treatments to bring it back, but nothing worked for real.  Everything came to a head on July 11th when I looked myself in the mirror and asked "What the hell are you doing?  What are you holding on to?  If it's not working, leave it alone!  Do away with it!!"  Later that afternoon, I walked into my stylist's shop (who had not seen me in almost 6 months) and the first thing she said was "What happened to you?"  Marquitta sat me down in her chair and talked with me about everything I had been experiencing up to that point.  We then discussed ways of salvaging what was left.  What she said next was very affirming; "We could do a rod set to make it look fuller, but that would not be you.  When I think of Fayth Hope, I think of natural and earthy."  And I agreed.  We both decided that it was best for me to start with a clean slate.  By the way, my son was there the whole time.  When Marquitta put that cape around me and prepared to cut my hair, Christopher came up to me, put his hand on arm and said "You'll be okay mommy.  Just sit back and relax."  I was floored!!  Damn near cried!!!  I mean, he was off playing while Marquitta and I were talking, thus unaware of the situation or discussion.  Not to mention the lengths that I went through to conceal/protect him from the ordeal I was experiencing.  So how did he know what to say?!  Still baffles me.  I guess my baby is intuitive like his mama lol.  Anyhow, the clippers were turned on and all the days, months, and years of distress started to fall by the wayside, literally.  When we were finished, Marquitta smiled at her work, and so did I.  I felt so renewed, refreshed, rejuvenated.

People, when you are not moving forward like you wish to, you have to ask yourself what's holding you back.  Is it YOU that's holding you back?  Are you holding on to fear?  Grief?  Anger and disappointment?  Those things weigh heavily and will stunt your growth on your appointed journey.  There will come a time where you will have to let go of the things that are dragging you down.  My hair was the personification of my own struggle with holding on to shit that's not worth being kept.  That meant the shedding of old habits, old attitudes, old memories, old "friends" (yes, that's in quotations for a reason).  The more familiar and comfortable we are with these old scripts, the harder it is to let go.  But once holding on becomes more of a hinderance than a help, that means it's definitely time to do some pruning.  Just had a thought; my very first post on this website was entitled "Pruning Leads to Blooming".  Funny how the Spirit works huh?

Jewelry & Styling: Rachel Stewart
Make-Up: Sharon Davis

No comments:

Post a Comment